Looking from a certain perspective, the physical aspects of things, planets, stars, atmospheres, anything that can be measured or quantified is simply superficial and misses the meaning of their interaction. Its like naming the characters in a story without understanding that their dialogue reveals how they feel and why they do what they do. Its only the roster of items, not a comprehension of who they really are.
From a different perspective, it seems completely ludicrous to found any perception upon anything other than the physical. We see and touch it, therefore its real, right?
Its a choice. You build the fence and you hold it up. You can let the physical be a starting point, an arena, a guide. Or you can make it the only dimension, based on your choice.
I see it as an scene of interaction. It is a symbolic stage. Everything we do and see signifies a thought. We are the characters writing the novel.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
universe ain't no empty room
Oh, to blog or not to blog.
I think its time I say what I really think.
We're in a lot of trouble. But we are also totally loved and protected. Everything you think in your head is not private, it is a message to the universe and to everyone around you. We have a mission and an opportunity on this planet. We are all a big family here together, and we need to completely take care of each other as Jesus and Mohammed and Gandhi and Mother Theresa and Abraham Lincoln and Your Mom told us too. We can know everything if we choose. We can live forever if we decide. We each are watched protectively. We each are guiding ourselves. There is nothing you can imagine which is not possible. We have twelve strands of DNA which can be activated if you choose to. Aliens exist, of course they do, and we are they as much as anyone else. We don't have to hurt ourselves or drink ourselves to death or have a system that is not based on creativity and love and respect. We can trust each other for we are all ONE in spirit. We are all a part of the same. We are the same stuff, the same air, the same love as everything else. Life is not driven solely by genetics, happenstance falling assbackwards into evolution, though genetics plays a big part in physical life. Nor is life designated and created and assigned to us through fate without our input. Exactly the opposite. We are the ones guiding fate, deciding it, by our attitudes toward each other and ourselves and possibility. If we are on Earth, its because we chose to be here. If we are in a certain family, its because we chose to be there for learning purposes. It is all a game that we ought to start playing. We cannot learn until we do. Those long lines of "clouds" are chemtrails in the sky. We are being polluted and attacked from where we least expect it. From our water and our tv sets and a prison of thought. You are not allowed to consider "energy" or "ufos" or "new age" or "meditation" because its all too dorky and stigmatized. Its called mind control. You may want to, for a second, let yourself consider everything you have not considered or thought to consider in your life. That way you might get half an inch closer to what you have been waiting to remember. Our history is divided and diminished from what it actually is. We did not write it, nor do we fully understand it. But its truth in our genes, in that DNA that hangs inside our cells unused, waiting for our desire and our command to activate it. We have the power to change reality with our minds. Our emotions are the fuel that makes this whole place wonderful. Following your feelings is like flying with the engines actually turned on for once. Remember we are on a planet in a universe, and that ain't no small thing. The universe is no empty room. Do not take things at face value. We look up to heaven for a reason, we are looking for our friends, we are looking into the deep soul of the universe, of home.
I guess I should be more clear. I say we are getting attacked, I suppose I should say by whom. They are and are not the people you vote for. Its deeper than that. Its historical. Its borderless. Its monetary. (Remember the assholes who did the 911 tragedy, wonder where the planes went? Well, those are a fragment of the many many underground bases in this world. And that is the Black World, and they are being directed by some negative parasitic unhealthy non human meanies.) But the past 300,000 years have been a blip, and their system and those entities that have been running it are going to change. Everything is going to change. The light is going to be shown into the darkness. The Christ is not coming back. It is back. I am a systems buster, and I came here with many many many others to welcome the light back into the place that has not seen it for too long. Earth is special, and no society can tell me it isn't, no society can tell me I am not. Light is information and love is the sinew of all things. If you feel you are a part of this journey, welcome! If you are not sure, look around, keep your eyes open. The true nature of things has been kept from us, and we literally have been scratching at the surface. The ancients knew what was going on, look in the Vedas or in the Hopi or the Maya or the Egyptian or the Sumerian traditions for this. We are literally in disguise, to earn the right to help this change through the door. We are living the story now. To learn through the story.
If you feel this in your bones too, then you know this beats all your weekend plans.
Our friends in the skies who have been showing up or being invited to show up are a part of an emissary in service to Light and to us. There are many many many many buddies up there. Just look up, and you will feel them. We are helped and we are loved. They are sending us tons of signals day and night.
There are also those who are literally part of a future failed version of our selves that have been manipulating our goverment since the 40s. Think Gollum comes back in time to fix himself, to re-evolve, using us. That's what they are doing in the underground bases. The karma of that sort of fits tough, doesn't it? There is alot living on his planet which has been wierd and unexplainable and isn't just hillbillies with wild imaginations. So many species have been involved on this planet, this living library that was and still can be.
I guess one of the questions you would naturally have is, if this is all true, then how come NASA and SETI hasn't seen anything with hubble and all those satellites? Well, I've got a bigger one for you. Do you really think you know what Aurora is? Do you know that every other planet has them as well? Do you know that one year after Chernobyl, scientists found large amounts of radiation in only one place in the South Hemisphere, the South Pole? If you know the way the winds work, this is not possible, unless there was an entrance from the North Pole through the inside of the planet to the South. That should answer why NASA doesn't tell you shit, because they are covering up much bigger issues. And SETI has been muzzled. You don't even know your own planet!
Yup. I could go on. For hours.
I think its time I say what I really think.
We're in a lot of trouble. But we are also totally loved and protected. Everything you think in your head is not private, it is a message to the universe and to everyone around you. We have a mission and an opportunity on this planet. We are all a big family here together, and we need to completely take care of each other as Jesus and Mohammed and Gandhi and Mother Theresa and Abraham Lincoln and Your Mom told us too. We can know everything if we choose. We can live forever if we decide. We each are watched protectively. We each are guiding ourselves. There is nothing you can imagine which is not possible. We have twelve strands of DNA which can be activated if you choose to. Aliens exist, of course they do, and we are they as much as anyone else. We don't have to hurt ourselves or drink ourselves to death or have a system that is not based on creativity and love and respect. We can trust each other for we are all ONE in spirit. We are all a part of the same. We are the same stuff, the same air, the same love as everything else. Life is not driven solely by genetics, happenstance falling assbackwards into evolution, though genetics plays a big part in physical life. Nor is life designated and created and assigned to us through fate without our input. Exactly the opposite. We are the ones guiding fate, deciding it, by our attitudes toward each other and ourselves and possibility. If we are on Earth, its because we chose to be here. If we are in a certain family, its because we chose to be there for learning purposes. It is all a game that we ought to start playing. We cannot learn until we do. Those long lines of "clouds" are chemtrails in the sky. We are being polluted and attacked from where we least expect it. From our water and our tv sets and a prison of thought. You are not allowed to consider "energy" or "ufos" or "new age" or "meditation" because its all too dorky and stigmatized. Its called mind control. You may want to, for a second, let yourself consider everything you have not considered or thought to consider in your life. That way you might get half an inch closer to what you have been waiting to remember. Our history is divided and diminished from what it actually is. We did not write it, nor do we fully understand it. But its truth in our genes, in that DNA that hangs inside our cells unused, waiting for our desire and our command to activate it. We have the power to change reality with our minds. Our emotions are the fuel that makes this whole place wonderful. Following your feelings is like flying with the engines actually turned on for once. Remember we are on a planet in a universe, and that ain't no small thing. The universe is no empty room. Do not take things at face value. We look up to heaven for a reason, we are looking for our friends, we are looking into the deep soul of the universe, of home.
I guess I should be more clear. I say we are getting attacked, I suppose I should say by whom. They are and are not the people you vote for. Its deeper than that. Its historical. Its borderless. Its monetary. (Remember the assholes who did the 911 tragedy, wonder where the planes went? Well, those are a fragment of the many many underground bases in this world. And that is the Black World, and they are being directed by some negative parasitic unhealthy non human meanies.) But the past 300,000 years have been a blip, and their system and those entities that have been running it are going to change. Everything is going to change. The light is going to be shown into the darkness. The Christ is not coming back. It is back. I am a systems buster, and I came here with many many many others to welcome the light back into the place that has not seen it for too long. Earth is special, and no society can tell me it isn't, no society can tell me I am not. Light is information and love is the sinew of all things. If you feel you are a part of this journey, welcome! If you are not sure, look around, keep your eyes open. The true nature of things has been kept from us, and we literally have been scratching at the surface. The ancients knew what was going on, look in the Vedas or in the Hopi or the Maya or the Egyptian or the Sumerian traditions for this. We are literally in disguise, to earn the right to help this change through the door. We are living the story now. To learn through the story.
If you feel this in your bones too, then you know this beats all your weekend plans.
Our friends in the skies who have been showing up or being invited to show up are a part of an emissary in service to Light and to us. There are many many many many buddies up there. Just look up, and you will feel them. We are helped and we are loved. They are sending us tons of signals day and night.
There are also those who are literally part of a future failed version of our selves that have been manipulating our goverment since the 40s. Think Gollum comes back in time to fix himself, to re-evolve, using us. That's what they are doing in the underground bases. The karma of that sort of fits tough, doesn't it? There is alot living on his planet which has been wierd and unexplainable and isn't just hillbillies with wild imaginations. So many species have been involved on this planet, this living library that was and still can be.
I guess one of the questions you would naturally have is, if this is all true, then how come NASA and SETI hasn't seen anything with hubble and all those satellites? Well, I've got a bigger one for you. Do you really think you know what Aurora is? Do you know that every other planet has them as well? Do you know that one year after Chernobyl, scientists found large amounts of radiation in only one place in the South Hemisphere, the South Pole? If you know the way the winds work, this is not possible, unless there was an entrance from the North Pole through the inside of the planet to the South. That should answer why NASA doesn't tell you shit, because they are covering up much bigger issues. And SETI has been muzzled. You don't even know your own planet!
Yup. I could go on. For hours.
Birth Dream, the sun of Ra
The sun? The son?
I was pregnant and then I gave birth, but I blessed myself so it was painless. When I blessed myself, I could do it because I was the Sun God Ra, or I was supremely connected to that, and my hands moved on their own, they had their own power, as if something else was guiding them.
(sidenote: before I fell asleep, I was laying with one arm off the bed, palm up, and I became aware that it was if I was asking for someone to reach out for my hand. I was almost afraid "someone" would, so I put my hand under the covers. Regardless, when I was starting to fall asleep, it was as if someone did clasp my hand with both of theirs, almost like they were hands of light, and said in a clear and "booming" voice (but not masculine): "SAY WHAT YOU REALLY THINK!" I wokeup briefly, became aware of this, felt my hand, and went back to bed. This is what I dreamt after asking for guidance in a dream.
Now, does this mean that I should be more specific to my guide about what I want, what I think? Or to the universe? That I be clearer about my intentions? I had initially thought that it was just my inner guilt about not telling people around me in life what I really thought about well, everything, this in particular. Now I think it could be more than that, both, more....)
I had thought until I wrote this a second ago that the baby part of the dream was the answer to my "guidance request." Reexamination helps.
So, after I had the baby (with the man and his mother nearby, it was like the guy was Patrick Gamaro or Ross or someone foreign and vaguely middle eastern), it popped out and sat up with a full head of dark hair and a weird indiscriminate face, not very pleasant or familiar. I remember thinking that I should as a mother love my baby unconditionally, but that would be hard because it was so ugly. And then afterwards the guy sat down and asked me who I was going to marry, like people in my life, etc. (note: every time I have someone else in my dream with me as a complement or adviser, it is ALWAYS a guy/man/usually someone i think is my dad). It was like I had all these offers of love on my table, and I could pick one up.
So, then I tried to open the window to reach the sun, but there was a fake indoor evening sky. It saddened me, and I felt limited.
SO: HERE IS THE INTERPRETATION: (from le interwebs)
If you are close to delivery, this usually means that something you've been planning or thinking about is close to materializing in the waking world.
If you are giving birth, think about what happens when a woman gives birth: there is pain, followed by new life. In this case, this could indicate something in your life that will be painful to deal with but will ultimately give you great joy. Or it could mean that there is something you want to bring into the world which will be as life changing as giving birth. Whatever it is, the good news is that it is a natural event, something spontaneous and filled with life.
If you have already given birth, are you taking care of what you brought into the world or has it been abandoned? Look at your life and see if there is something that needs some nurturing, some part of yourself that means a lot to you, but you haven't been taking care of--a project, a relationship, anything. Ask yourself why this isn't being addressed, ask yourself what is more important that your own creation.
I particularly like those last few sentances. This makes me think that my "baby" was the gift that was given to me, that I caused to materialize in my life, in my mind, in my friendships, but that has been sort of abandoned, as that baby was at the end of the dream. Maybe it also a few unhealed wounds of love (rusty's face and kenny's hair with ross in the background somewhere, these jumbled options). The kindness of the guide was familiar and made me think that I ought to get more comfortable choosing in life what I want.
Maybe it means that the transition, the gift, will be painless for me because I can bless myself, filled with a great power that my hands are, the intention they express. The love.
I think the overriding theme was what happened BEFORE the dream, with the voice and my hand. (Just read another dream interpretation of HANDS, and they say that "busy or skilled hands predicts well earned rewards.") Well, I suppose to earn those rewards, I best be busy!
I want to go forward with this. I want to engage myself from the inside out. I want to be more connected to the sun. I want to do more for the Earth. I want to encourage everyone to have reverence for life, in each other, in words, in every moment. I want to find the words that free us and can bring us to the place we all want to be, to examine all the dark and forgotten corners, so that our weights are not that heavy anymore, or not heavy at all. I want us to fly!
I was pregnant and then I gave birth, but I blessed myself so it was painless. When I blessed myself, I could do it because I was the Sun God Ra, or I was supremely connected to that, and my hands moved on their own, they had their own power, as if something else was guiding them.
(sidenote: before I fell asleep, I was laying with one arm off the bed, palm up, and I became aware that it was if I was asking for someone to reach out for my hand. I was almost afraid "someone" would, so I put my hand under the covers. Regardless, when I was starting to fall asleep, it was as if someone did clasp my hand with both of theirs, almost like they were hands of light, and said in a clear and "booming" voice (but not masculine): "SAY WHAT YOU REALLY THINK!" I wokeup briefly, became aware of this, felt my hand, and went back to bed. This is what I dreamt after asking for guidance in a dream.
Now, does this mean that I should be more specific to my guide about what I want, what I think? Or to the universe? That I be clearer about my intentions? I had initially thought that it was just my inner guilt about not telling people around me in life what I really thought about well, everything, this in particular. Now I think it could be more than that, both, more....)
I had thought until I wrote this a second ago that the baby part of the dream was the answer to my "guidance request." Reexamination helps.
So, after I had the baby (with the man and his mother nearby, it was like the guy was Patrick Gamaro or Ross or someone foreign and vaguely middle eastern), it popped out and sat up with a full head of dark hair and a weird indiscriminate face, not very pleasant or familiar. I remember thinking that I should as a mother love my baby unconditionally, but that would be hard because it was so ugly. And then afterwards the guy sat down and asked me who I was going to marry, like people in my life, etc. (note: every time I have someone else in my dream with me as a complement or adviser, it is ALWAYS a guy/man/usually someone i think is my dad). It was like I had all these offers of love on my table, and I could pick one up.
So, then I tried to open the window to reach the sun, but there was a fake indoor evening sky. It saddened me, and I felt limited.
SO: HERE IS THE INTERPRETATION: (from le interwebs)
If you are close to delivery, this usually means that something you've been planning or thinking about is close to materializing in the waking world.
If you are giving birth, think about what happens when a woman gives birth: there is pain, followed by new life. In this case, this could indicate something in your life that will be painful to deal with but will ultimately give you great joy. Or it could mean that there is something you want to bring into the world which will be as life changing as giving birth. Whatever it is, the good news is that it is a natural event, something spontaneous and filled with life.
If you have already given birth, are you taking care of what you brought into the world or has it been abandoned? Look at your life and see if there is something that needs some nurturing, some part of yourself that means a lot to you, but you haven't been taking care of--a project, a relationship, anything. Ask yourself why this isn't being addressed, ask yourself what is more important that your own creation.
I particularly like those last few sentances. This makes me think that my "baby" was the gift that was given to me, that I caused to materialize in my life, in my mind, in my friendships, but that has been sort of abandoned, as that baby was at the end of the dream. Maybe it also a few unhealed wounds of love (rusty's face and kenny's hair with ross in the background somewhere, these jumbled options). The kindness of the guide was familiar and made me think that I ought to get more comfortable choosing in life what I want.
Maybe it means that the transition, the gift, will be painless for me because I can bless myself, filled with a great power that my hands are, the intention they express. The love.
I think the overriding theme was what happened BEFORE the dream, with the voice and my hand. (Just read another dream interpretation of HANDS, and they say that "busy or skilled hands predicts well earned rewards.") Well, I suppose to earn those rewards, I best be busy!
I want to go forward with this. I want to engage myself from the inside out. I want to be more connected to the sun. I want to do more for the Earth. I want to encourage everyone to have reverence for life, in each other, in words, in every moment. I want to find the words that free us and can bring us to the place we all want to be, to examine all the dark and forgotten corners, so that our weights are not that heavy anymore, or not heavy at all. I want us to fly!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
A voice in the wilderness of the internet
Sometimes you just find one:
them the dragons
there is
hope
always
hope
his great
voice
will swallow
them
the dragons
of doom
if there are
no questions
still there must
be answers
him his voice
the silent voice
silent
still objects
them the dragons
still approach
to silence
the subject
him his
mouth
he opens
silent wide
to swallow
them
the dragons
of doom
I just want to explode
Out of this life, out of this body, out of this country, out of this demographic, out of this insanity. Just out.
I feel trapped, and I feel like I am supposed to single handedly fix everyone around me or let them "die." It feels like those are my two options. Help them or abandon them. Right now, I have chosen to avoid both of those options by instead ignoring the truth, the truth that will save them. Its so hidden that it is not hard to hide from.
I see no clear road in this. I know not how to live, where to live, or what happiness looks like. All I can manage to be is quiet, very quiet, like I was seven and making house in my closet corner. Quiet, or angry, or sad. Joyful is scary, because there is nowhere to put it, or nothing to describe it. It has no name, it has no reason that I can explain to anyone else.
I am an island of loneliness.
So if I explode, my blood with go into the ground, my heart will go into the clouds, and my dreams will be free.
I will be one with all things, and I won't be alone.
How am I supposed to proceed joyfully? I have no model in front of me. Nothing that I can admire. I have a vague idea of grey shadowy 5th dimensional beings. But I don't know how they speak or walk or laugh, or how they would live on Earth at this time?
How can you live here and be clean?
If I try to be clean of their madness, I feel the aloneness. If I try to coexist, I get vehemently angry.
Ignorance is not fault.
Even the dog is their anger and fear. Their noise.
I want to be away from their noise!
And then the silence will swallow us up again....
I feel trapped, and I feel like I am supposed to single handedly fix everyone around me or let them "die." It feels like those are my two options. Help them or abandon them. Right now, I have chosen to avoid both of those options by instead ignoring the truth, the truth that will save them. Its so hidden that it is not hard to hide from.
I see no clear road in this. I know not how to live, where to live, or what happiness looks like. All I can manage to be is quiet, very quiet, like I was seven and making house in my closet corner. Quiet, or angry, or sad. Joyful is scary, because there is nowhere to put it, or nothing to describe it. It has no name, it has no reason that I can explain to anyone else.
I am an island of loneliness.
So if I explode, my blood with go into the ground, my heart will go into the clouds, and my dreams will be free.
I will be one with all things, and I won't be alone.
How am I supposed to proceed joyfully? I have no model in front of me. Nothing that I can admire. I have a vague idea of grey shadowy 5th dimensional beings. But I don't know how they speak or walk or laugh, or how they would live on Earth at this time?
How can you live here and be clean?
If I try to be clean of their madness, I feel the aloneness. If I try to coexist, I get vehemently angry.
Ignorance is not fault.
Even the dog is their anger and fear. Their noise.
I want to be away from their noise!
And then the silence will swallow us up again....
Friday, January 4, 2008
Why don't I feel good enough for interesting people
Why do I feel less than, why do I shirk and shy away from those I want to luxuriate in. It seems like they speak a different language. A language of confidence. And in this new land of understanding, one might assume that I have all the confidence in the world. But I still lack the confidence of creation. To know what I like, what I want to put in my mouth and out upon the paper, that is more than rebuke and sadness. To create a joy, an improvisation, a long note sucked in and handed out with my eyes,.
I know I have it in me. I could build rainbows. But my mind is blocked. And every once in a while, I seduce it into confidence, into a color, and that green and yellow splotch frames the jokes and the accent I make.
But if I don't have a color, I feel like a seed in the ground, hugging the earth.
I know I have it in me. I could build rainbows. But my mind is blocked. And every once in a while, I seduce it into confidence, into a color, and that green and yellow splotch frames the jokes and the accent I make.
But if I don't have a color, I feel like a seed in the ground, hugging the earth.
Disambiguation of "you"
Sometimes when I say you, I really mean you. Other times, I mean myself. I wonder if this distinction is noted by my unconscious mind.
This can be problematic when I spat in a temper, "I hate you!" Now, I could be talking about my exboyfriend, and his lack of emotional awareness and putrid absence of magnanimous behavior.
But I wonder if my subconscious thinks as it does when I listen to a love song and hears "I am in love with the way you feel" and singles out of all the yous in the world, inevitably myself.
Perhaps I'm not giving the old girl enough credit. Or perhaps, our situational semantics is playing ping pong with my emotional underbelly.
Maybe we are all "you." Each of us is picked out of all of us. So special.
This can be problematic when I spat in a temper, "I hate you!" Now, I could be talking about my exboyfriend, and his lack of emotional awareness and putrid absence of magnanimous behavior.
But I wonder if my subconscious thinks as it does when I listen to a love song and hears "I am in love with the way you feel" and singles out of all the yous in the world, inevitably myself.
Perhaps I'm not giving the old girl enough credit. Or perhaps, our situational semantics is playing ping pong with my emotional underbelly.
Maybe we are all "you." Each of us is picked out of all of us. So special.
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