Birth Dream, the sun of Ra

The sun? The son?

I was pregnant and then I gave birth, but I blessed myself so it was painless. When I blessed myself, I could do it because I was the Sun God Ra, or I was supremely connected to that, and my hands moved on their own, they had their own power, as if something else was guiding them.

(sidenote: before I fell asleep, I was laying with one arm off the bed, palm up, and I became aware that it was if I was asking for someone to reach out for my hand. I was almost afraid "someone" would, so I put my hand under the covers. Regardless, when I was starting to fall asleep, it was as if someone did clasp my hand with both of theirs, almost like they were hands of light, and said in a clear and "booming" voice (but not masculine): "SAY WHAT YOU REALLY THINK!" I wokeup briefly, became aware of this, felt my hand, and went back to bed. This is what I dreamt after asking for guidance in a dream.

Now, does this mean that I should be more specific to my guide about what I want, what I think? Or to the universe? That I be clearer about my intentions? I had initially thought that it was just my inner guilt about not telling people around me in life what I really thought about well, everything, this in particular. Now I think it could be more than that, both, more....)

I had thought until I wrote this a second ago that the baby part of the dream was the answer to my "guidance request." Reexamination helps.

So, after I had the baby (with the man and his mother nearby, it was like the guy was Patrick Gamaro or Ross or someone foreign and vaguely middle eastern), it popped out and sat up with a full head of dark hair and a weird indiscriminate face, not very pleasant or familiar. I remember thinking that I should as a mother love my baby unconditionally, but that would be hard because it was so ugly. And then afterwards the guy sat down and asked me who I was going to marry, like people in my life, etc. (note: every time I have someone else in my dream with me as a complement or adviser, it is ALWAYS a guy/man/usually someone i think is my dad). It was like I had all these offers of love on my table, and I could pick one up.

So, then I tried to open the window to reach the sun, but there was a fake indoor evening sky. It saddened me, and I felt limited.

SO: HERE IS THE INTERPRETATION: (from le interwebs)
If you are close to delivery, this usually means that something you've been planning or thinking about is close to materializing in the waking world.

If you are giving birth, think about what happens when a woman gives birth: there is pain, followed by new life. In this case, this could indicate something in your life that will be painful to deal with but will ultimately give you great joy. Or it could mean that there is something you want to bring into the world which will be as life changing as giving birth. Whatever it is, the good news is that it is a natural event, something spontaneous and filled with life.

If you have already given birth, are you taking care of what you brought into the world or has it been abandoned? Look at your life and see if there is something that needs some nurturing, some part of yourself that means a lot to you, but you haven't been taking care of--a project, a relationship, anything. Ask yourself why this isn't being addressed, ask yourself what is more important that your own creation.

I particularly like those last few sentances. This makes me think that my "baby" was the gift that was given to me, that I caused to materialize in my life, in my mind, in my friendships, but that has been sort of abandoned, as that baby was at the end of the dream. Maybe it also a few unhealed wounds of love (rusty's face and kenny's hair with ross in the background somewhere, these jumbled options). The kindness of the guide was familiar and made me think that I ought to get more comfortable choosing in life what I want.

Maybe it means that the transition, the gift, will be painless for me because I can bless myself, filled with a great power that my hands are, the intention they express. The love.

I think the overriding theme was what happened BEFORE the dream, with the voice and my hand. (Just read another dream interpretation of HANDS, and they say that "busy or skilled hands predicts well earned rewards.") Well, I suppose to earn those rewards, I best be busy!

I want to go forward with this. I want to engage myself from the inside out. I want to be more connected to the sun. I want to do more for the Earth. I want to encourage everyone to have reverence for life, in each other, in words, in every moment. I want to find the words that free us and can bring us to the place we all want to be, to examine all the dark and forgotten corners, so that our weights are not that heavy anymore, or not heavy at all. I want us to fly!